Me. At least after what I've been through.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize