garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
