He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
