the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
