I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I need a beard to bite.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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