"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
