new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
