I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
