Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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