I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
