...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
