Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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