how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
