um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize