Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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