Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
