I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
