hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
