my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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