Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
