My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
