i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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