He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
50% drunk capacity currently
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
