i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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