so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
