The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
