i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
