New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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