My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize