it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
