Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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