sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
