well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
