I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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