if you like me you must not know who I am
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize