oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
