Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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