You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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