Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
