She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize