Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
