On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
