Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
