slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
