Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize