I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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