ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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