the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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