he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
