She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
