did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
