o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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