Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
