I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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