I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I wish they made helmets for livers.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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