yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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