sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
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