I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
