i need an iv and a liver transplant
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I need to calm my uterus...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
