Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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