i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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