She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She told me I should be a condom model.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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