I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
last night I used snow as a chaser
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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