just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
