We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
