too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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