we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Who died my cat blue again?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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