Cold hands, warm shart.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
