i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Randomize
