Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
grandma shit on top of the toilet
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
