So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
