tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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