Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
