I want to stick my p in your. b.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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