I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
