Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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