before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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