dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
When did angry sex become our thing?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I have feelings that need drinking.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
