Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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