I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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