Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
