i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Randomize
