Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
