just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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