Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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