just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
