so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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