areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
