when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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