Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize