I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
