Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
