That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
