I like my sex mixed with concussions.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
