so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize